Old habits die hard
by PrettyLittleVampGleek
Summary: Rachel's had a hard life and a very difficult past. Everyone had thought that her old habits had stopped completely after her older brother had helped her through her latest episode but as the saying goes 'old habits die hard' and no one knows this more than Rachel as she's shipped off to live and travel with her older brother and his 4 best friends (her brother is a member of 1D)
1. Chapter 1

Old habits die hard, Rachel B

Full summary: Rachel's had a hard life and a very difficult past. Everyone had thought that her old habits had stopped completely after her older brother had helped her through her latest episode but as the saying goes 'old habits die hard' and no one knows this more than Rachel as she's shipped off to live and travel with her older brother and his 4 best friends. **NOTE: Rachel doesn't have 2 gay dads and her older brother is a One Direction member. Also Santana and Puck are not at McKinley, so they are not in glee club. Just saying**

A/N. **Let me know if you like the idea and I will continue it! **

Chapter 1 – Prologue

_3 months ago_

Rachel's POV

I couldn't stop crying. I didn't know what to do now that I didn't have Jesse. I couldn't believe what he had done. I didn't want to go school again; I didn't want to face them. I knew that they would all hate me.

"Rachel? Sweetie, are you okay?" My Mother asked from the other side of the door.

I couldn't tell her, could I? She'd probably just think I'm going to do something I shouldn't. Mum worries about me a lot. She shouldn't, though.

"I'm fine, Mum. Can I just be left alone for a few minutes?"

There were silence at the other side of the door before Mum sighed and replied, "Fine, but I want you down in ten minutes. Your father has made your favourite meal, pasta."

"I'll make sure I'm down." I stated, I waited until I heard her walking downstairs until I went on my laptop; I had to speak to Kurt and tell him what actually happened between me and Jesse. He had to believe me.

I logged onto my Facebook only to realise I had five new messages, and three notifications. I could feel my stomach turning, my breath getting caught in throat. I couldn't, no I couldn't be getting a panic attack over this. I quickly, before I began to regret it, read the messages, and I was just too late. They believed Jesse, they hate me…

**Kurt Hummel: **I told you from the beginning he wasn't who YOU thought he was. We are no longer friends Berry; I can't be friends with someone I absolutely hate.

**Mercedes Jones: **I don't think you should be in glee club anymore, after what you've done, how can we trust you?

**Quinn Fabray: **Now you and Jesse have broken up, don't go to Finn. He loves me. And… he wouldn't be able to trust you anyway.

**Artie Abrams: **You disappoint me, I should have known from the very start.

**Tina Cohen-Chang: **We've all agreed that you shouldn't be in the Glee club anymore. You're not a team player, we don't need you. And you don't belong here anyway.

I couldn't help but cry, and didn't even notice that I was screaming as I did so. I felt like I couldn't cope with this, they actually hated me, and it took a damn while for them to even be nice to me, let alone friends.

I could feel another panic attack coming on, I hadn't had one in a while, so I didn't really know what to do but then I thought about my brother. What my brother would always tell me to do, _"Take deep breaths my little Ray of sunshine, you can get through this, I believe in you, you're strong enough to do this" _Oh, I did miss him. I missed him so much. I calmed down a little after that, thinking about my brother that was. But then, all my thoughts drifted back to how glee club felt towards me and the feeling were back, what could I do? I didn't know what to do.

I had nothing left, my brother wasn't here to help me, my sister didn't really like to see me in this way, she never really knows what to do. My mum would just consider counselling and my Dad just wants me to be happy, he tries to be here for me but he's just scared. Yeah, they thought I didn't know, but I do.

My brother wasn't here, I couldn't call him because 1. I was a mess and 2. He was probably busy. So, I had no one. And just couldn't cope with that.

I walked into my bathroom that was connected to my bedroom, and I looked in my mirror.

Why'd Jesse do that to me? Why did he hurt me like that? Was I not good enough for him? Why did he have to use me? Why'd I have to fall for him? Why doesn't he love me?

I was too ugly, that was it. I wasn't good enough, I was a disappointment to everyone, is all I kept replaying in my head. I was even a constant disappointment to my family. I shouldn't even be here. Well, enough was enough. It was time for me to go.

I punched the mirror, sick of seeing myself in there. I looked at my fist, it was full of blood pouring out of it, but I couldn't help the feeling. I felt pleasure from it. Something that would have been in the past, now that had changed.

I opened my cabinet and found tablets that relieve pain, I opened them before taking the rest, I wasn't good enough, so what was the point?

And then everything went black.

**PRESENT**

Still Rachel's POV

I woke up and sighed, it was a school day and I really couldn't be bothered today. I could pretend that I was ill but that meant my Mother would be suspicious.

I walked over to my wardrobe and picked out jeans and a jumper to wear. I put my hair up in a bum before looking in the mirror,' you're ugly Rachel' 'you're not worth it why bother' 'ugly' 'disgusting' were all written around my mirror. I opened my cabinet and popped a tablet in; it should keep me going for the day.

I walked downstairs after brushing my teeth, seeing pancakes on the table, I felt sick. I really didn't feel like eating, I wasn't hungry. I sat at the table napkin in lap as I pretended I was eating when in fact I was popping it in my napkin when no one was looking.

"Right, Mum, I'm going school now!" I shouted from the kitchen table.

"Alright sweetie, have a good day at school, I love you."

I nodded before leaving out the house, I hated school but I had no choice but to go there, so I had to put up with it.

#ONEDIRECTION#GLEE#ONEDIRECTION#GLEE#

**Later on**

No one's POV

It was later in the day when Anne Cox had just finished talking to her son, Harry. She really did miss him. She sighed as she walked around the house picking up clothes that needed to be washed, Anne sighed as she realised Rachel had forgotten to put out her clothes that needed to be washed. She opened her door, looking around for washing. Not finding anything, Anne opened Rachel's bathroom door only to find something she hadn't expected. Rachel's mirror was surrounded by words that Anne knew only brung Rachel down. Anne couldn't believe it, she honestly felt like Rachel was better. She thought three months ago was just a onetime thing, but clearly this showed different. She thought they had helped her but she should have known better. Anne quickly ran down stairs, grabbed her phone and called her husband (Rachel's Dad, not Harry's Dad),"Our little girls not well…"

**#onedirection#glee#onedirection#glee#onedirection# glee**

_**While after…**_

Rachel's POV

As soon as I got home from school, I felt relief. Going school every day to a place where everybody hates me, is just a constant reminder of how wrong my life is.

I walked down the stairs after getting changed, just for a drink of water only to find that my Mother and Father were sat waiting for me (what it looked like) I carried on heading to the kitchen pretending I hadn't noticed anything.

"Rachel, me and your Dad would like to speak with you for a minute." Mum said from the other room.

I sighed before walking back into the room, water in hand, I sat down on the chair as I faced them, waiting for them to talk.

"Rachel, we're aware of what you're going through." My Mum said

I looked at them confused, "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rach, princess, we've seen your mirror; we know you're not well. We know that you clearly need some help." Dad, Robin stated looking at me; I could see he was disappointed in me, like he had expected so much more from me.

I didn't know what to say, I was scared that if I'd say something I'd start crying.

"We've been thinking and from pasts events, we've decided it would be best if you travelled with your brother. We know he can help you the way he did last time." Mum said reaching out for my hand.

"Don't touch me, just don't." I said, standing up suddenly not feeling thirsty. I headed upstairs to my room.

I couldn't see my brother; I couldn't show him how I let him down. I failed him. I broke his promise.

I couldn't disrupt his dreams, it would be wrong of me. It would be my fault again. I was doing fine, I knew I was. Why did Mum even come into my room anyway? She knows not to. Why do I never get anything right? Why could I do nothing right, but everything wrong? I walked into the bathroom and looked for my blade; I needed to control my anxiety. I needed to control my thoughts. I just needed to control everything.

I didn't care anymore. I didn't care where my life went from here because I knew all I ever do is disappoint everyone, I wonder if there's a job for that sort of thing. Then again, me being me I probably wouldn't be able to get a job.

"Rachel! I know you're in there, please open up we can try to help you." Mum said knocking on the bathroom door.

"I… I can't. I'm sorry Mum." I replied letting the blade cut deeper and deeper, and feeling faint from the blood I'm losing.

"Robin! Call an ambulance! Please! Now!" Mum said as she counted to three until she pushed the door open but it was too late. I fell to the floor, head banging on the floor as I did, I didn't want to survive. Leave me, Mum I tried to say but I couldn't speak, I could only hear my Mum crying as she holds me, "My baby girl…"

**A/N. Harry will be in next chapter. I promise you. Please review what you think of this story and I will consider if I'm continuing this or not. (I really want to)**


	2. Chapter 2

Old habits die hard, Rachel B

Full summary: Rachel's had a hard life and a very difficult past. Everyone had thought that her old habits had stopped completely after her older brother had helped her through her latest episode but as the saying goes 'old habits die hard' and no one knows this more than Rachel as she's shipped off to live and travel with her older brother and his 4 best friends. **NOTE: Rachel doesn't have 2 gay dads and her older brother is a One Direction member. Also Santana and Puck are not at McKinley, so they are not in glee club. Just saying **

**A/N. ****Hope you like this, make sure you review so I know if you are enjoying this story! The song is originally by The Beatles – here comes the sun. **

Chapter 2 – I'm here, sister.

A couple of days later

Rachel's POV

I woke up that morning; I wasn't in that horrible hospital anymore. They made me eat and drink so much because I was 'drained'; now I just felt fat. No one understood.

Everyone keeps saying that I'm going to get better, but I just don't see it. I could when Harry was here, and I did get better, but I'm not that girl anymore. I have to do it myself, I have to learn to control myself but I knew I couldn't, I wouldn't.

I turned sides, not noticing someone as sat there watching me. I jumped, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.

"Hey, hey, it's only me." I turned, it was him, it was Harry, my brother, and he was really here.

"Harry? W-what are you doing here? You…you need to go." I said, I couldn't let him be here. It was wrong of me; this is my fault he is here. I'm such a disappointment, Harry probably hates me.

"I'm here for you, Ray. I want to help you. When I heard-"Harry stopped himself; it was as if if he said it, he would choke, wouldn't want to believe it. I knew I was a disappointment, I knew it.

"You… you can't. Stop it, leave me alone. I can do it on my own, Harry." I replied.

"Ray…"

"No. Don't call me that. I'm not Ray, not anymore." I snapped, suddenly regretting snapping at him but I couldn't let him help me. I'd already caused enough trouble.

"Well, what do you want me to call you then?" Harry asked putting his hand in mine.

"J-Just call me Rach." I replied remembering that Jesse used to call me that, I hated it.

"Alright, _Rach, _Mum is planning-"

Before Harry could finish what he was saying, I felt sick come at the back of my throat, I jumped out of bed and ran to my bathroom, as all the sick came rushing out. Harry was right beside me, holding my hair back as I was being sick. He kept mumbling, "Ray, everything is going to be alright. Just you watch, one day you're going to look back and think 'I made it, I'm Rachel Berry. I'm a star' and you'll always be my little ray of sunshine no matter what."

I could feel tears come down my face as I finished being sick. I so badly wanted to be that girl again, but I just couldn't see it happening.

"Hey, hey, Ray, don't cry. Come here." Harry said before cuddling me.

Being in my big brother's arms made me feel safe, and truth be told I've never felt safe for a while. I couldn't even remember the last time I did feel safe.

He picked me up and walked me to my bed; my eyes were closed wanting to go to sleep. I was tired.

He sat down on the chair next to my bed, as he started to play with my hair, like he used to so I would fall asleep while he sang to me.

I knew deep down that I had no choice whatsoever but to go touring with Harry, Mum and Dad wouldn't allow it and Harry, knowing Harry would not have NO as an answer. I just wanted to know when I was going before I fell asleep, "Harry?"

"Yeah?" He replied.

"When am I leaving with you?"

He didn't say anything for a moment, at first I thought he wasn't going to answer but at the last minute he said, "As soon as possible. Probably tomorrow, Mum's already packed your bags." He admitted.

"You will look after me won't you?" I asked, uncertain, worried.

"Of course I will. Now, Ray, go to sleep." Harry said.

"Can I ask a favour first?" I asked

"Sure…"

"Will you sing to me like you used to? I don't want to-"

"Of course I will." Harry said before he carried on playing with my hair and singing one of the songs I grew up with.

_Here comes the sun (doo doo doo doo)_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter_

_Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces_

_Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Sun, sun, sun, here it comes_

_Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting_

_Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_Here comes the sun_

_Here comes the sun, and I say_

_It's all right_

_It's all right_

Harry's POV

It killed to know that my little sister is unwell again. That she's hurting, in pain. It hurt me to watch her like that, so broken. I know she felt like she had to do this on her own, but I couldn't let her do that. You were supposed to surround yourself with people who loved you, Rachel couldn't see that though, she was too broken, I had to help her, bring the girl I know back.

When Rachel fell asleep, I stood up and walked downstairs.

Mum and Step-Dad were sat talking to each other, wondering if they were talking about Rachel.

"She's asleep, she was sick before though, probably because of the amount of food the hospital forced down her." I sighed sitting down and putting my head in my hands, "Why didn't you tell me about this when it all started?"

"We… we thought she was better. She looked like she was doing better…"Mum said looking so close to tears.

"Does she look better? She looks ill, Mum. Like she hasn't eaten in months, her arms are covered in cuts, her room, her goddamn bathroom, Mum! How could you NOT have noticed anything?" I snapped.

Mum was now crying and I felt guilty now, I shouldn't have snapped at her.

"Don't talk to your Mother like that! We all wish we had known before…" Robin said comforting Mum as he did so.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Mum. I just… I just keep thinking that maybe If I had known a few months ago… that I could have helped her and she wouldn't be like this." I explained how I was feeling.

"Oh, sweetie!" Mum said as she put her arms around me.

"I just want her to get better. I want my little sister back."

"I want her to be home-schooled, from now on. I mean, I know we all said It would be temporarily but I think it should be permanent. School doesn't make her happy; it's not the best place for her." My stepdad, Robin (Rachel's real father) said.

I grinned," think that's a great idea. We going to get our girl back, I promise."

GLEE#ONEDIRECTION'GLEE#ONEDIRECTION#GLEE

**a/n. ****Next chapter involves all the boys, Rachel meets them. Review review! Hope you liked it :P **


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